yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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