I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
