And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
