I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
