You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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