i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
