yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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