i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
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Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
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OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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