There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
