Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
