You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
