i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
