sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
