you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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