you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Someone shattered a urinal.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
