i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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