Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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