i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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