Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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