I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
