...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
