the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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