No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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