You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
