I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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