worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
