Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
my phone needs a breathalizer
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
