There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
