he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
