It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
