I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I want to fling myself into the sun
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
