Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
