we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
being pregnant is like rehab
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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