If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
not ubering you a puppy
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
