He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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