Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
