I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
