from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
