my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
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