On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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