It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
