hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
