TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
