I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
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