Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
