I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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