I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
