Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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