I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
