This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
