We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
