guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
where am i from again
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
