you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Can you repeat that, but with context?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
