I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
