I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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