I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
