the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
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I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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