I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Randomize
