i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
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He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
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I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize