I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
