This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
