Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I'm at about main and main street
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
