Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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