I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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