Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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