and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
