last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
